Love Lost, Lost Love

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Sorry I haven’t posted in 2 days, but I never saw the heartbreak that I experienced coming into my life.  I am a person who is very careful about who she let’s into her space,  so I when this man that I allowed into my life and actually fell in love with dropped a bombshell on me to say that he had returned to his daughter’s mom and that he always loved her and lied to me “so I wouldn’t be as hurt”.  I was completely shattered, I cried and cried until I was numb.

I had a lump in my throat and an unshakeable heaviness in my heart that I had become unfamiliar with because I have been single for 10 years and also have not loved anyone in that amount of time.  So because there was no love with anyone I’ve dated over the years , there was no heartbreak. This man, however,  came into my life and swept me completely off of my feet and made plans to MARRY ME ya’ll! MARRIAGE.. and BABIES! So when he texted me to tell me he’d gone back to what he told me was basically the epitome of unhappiness and dysfunction I was in utter shock!

The more hurtful part was how cold and impersonal the texts were.  It was like he never knew me, but I guess I can say I never actually knew him.  The thing is because I never let anyone get close, nor have chemistry with anyone when I do I fall for the person very quickly and it hurts a million times worse because I’m not one who goes from person to person.  I also only entertain one person at a time.  So in a way all of my eggs were in his proverbial basket.

I cried so much yesterday that today I could not find anymore tears.  So I chose to smile, I chose to laugh, I chose to be happy because life goes on…just…not with him!

Love,

Naj

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